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A stockbrocker is found guilty of fraud, sent to prison and put into a cell with a psychotic looking weirdo.
The cellmate notices how scared the stockbroker looks. I'm in for a white collar crime too, he says, Oh really? says the stockbroker, sighing with relief. Yes, says the cellmate. "I murdered a vicar". Found in todays daily star. |
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> Late last Saturday night, a young chap was walking home from the pub.
> > It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most > > Of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only > > Broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a > > Dustbin. Suddenly he heard a strange noise ... > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > Startled, he turned around. To his amazement, through the driving rain > > He saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > He froze to the spot. He couldn't believe his eyes. As the box > > Approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more > > Clearly. It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put > > His head down and started walking briskly home. > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin was gaining on him. He started walking faster......... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP.... BUMP....... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........BUMP....... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin was closing with his every step. He started to jog, but he > > Heard the coffin speed up after him ... > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ....... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..... > > > > > > > > > > Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was > > Only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his > > Keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock. He dived inside, > > Slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and > > Slumped into his comfy chair. > > > > > > > > > > Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through > > The front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin > > Allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued > > Its chase .. > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could > > Take him. He bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door ... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and > > > > > Launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the > > Bathroom door flew off its hinges ... > > > > > > > > > > The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young > > Terrified lad. > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom > > Cabinet ... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at > > The coffin ... still it came ........ > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ... still it > > Came...... > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ... still it came...... > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > He grabbed some Benylin cough mixture and threw it ... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin stopped
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West Dorset Community |
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lol. absolutely LOL
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