Ways To Call Somebody Stupid!

[WatchOut]

Radio's playing but nobody's listening.
Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk.
Reads a page devoted to put-downs of stupid people and gets offended because it contains derogatory material.
Reads her newspaper back-to-front.
Reads Homer in the original Greek, but doesn't know Greek.
Ready to check in at the HaHa Hilton.
Ready to join the Anti-Mensa Society.
Receiver is off the hook.
Relatively three-dimensional, as fictional characters go.
Remembered to take her stupid pill again this morning.
Renewable energy source for hot air balloons.
Reposts this list when someone asks for it, but it's an old copy.
Requires retraining after every coffee break.
Reset line is glitching.
Result of a first cousin marriage.
Result of God's experiments to see if humans can function without a brain.
Room for rent, unfurnished.
Routinely outsmarted by cheese
Roving target for a surface-to-idiot missile.
RS232C brain with a DIN connector.
Running at 2400 baud.
Running lights are on but no one's at the helm.
Running on a 286.
Running U.S. appliances on British current.
Runs squares around the competition.
Rusty springs in the mousetrap.
S p a c e d o u t .
Sailboat fuel for brains.
Sat under the ozone hole too long.
Says profound things but no one listens and no harm is done.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong.
Serving donuts on another planet.
Settled some during shipping and handling.
Seven cans short of a six-pack.
Seven seconds behind, and built to stay that way.
Several nuts over fruitcake minimum.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Sharp as a donut
Sharp, like stone in river. Swift, like tree through forest.
She believes the three great lies.
She doesn't suffer from insanity; she enjoys every minute of it.
She fears success, but really has nothing to worry about.
She has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
She looks virtually real today.
She only packed half a sandwich.
She only schedules zombie processes.
She put the ding in dingbat.
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails them.
She sounds reasonable. Must be time to up my medication.
She stopped to think and forgot to start again.
She wears a pony tail to cover up the valve stem.
She worries about the calories licking stamps and envelopes.
Shedding a little too much black light.
She'll be just fine as soon as virtual reality arrives.
She's a screensaver. (Looks good, but useless.)
She's all thumbs.
She's as daft as a brush. (British)
She's running on impulse engines.
She's running real fast, but toward the wrong goal line.
Shootin' blanks.
Short a few cards.
Short-circuited between the earphones.
Should be the poster child for family planning.
Should drive directly to the clue warehouse. (said of a poor driver)
Should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
Should have kept his helmet on while riding/playing.
Shouldn't eat nuts - for her, it's practically cannibalism.
Should've been a shopkeeper. (role-playing games)
Signs of his intelligence are as rare as rocking-horse dung.
Single-sided, low density.
Sings along with elevator music.
Sinking with a deck full of people; her brain cells can't find the lifeboats.
Sitting in the right pew, but the wrong church.
Six-packed seven times. (Volleyball slang: "Six-pack" is to spike someone in the head with a volleyball.)
Skating on the wrong side of the ice.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slept too close to his radium-dial watch.
Slinky's kinked.
Sloppy as a soup sandwich.
Slow as molasses in January.
Slow learner.
Slow out of the gate.
Slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Smarter than the average bear.
Smoke doesn't make it to the top of his chimney.
So boring, his dreams have Muzak.
So clueless, he could BE God and still be an atheist.
So dim, his psychic carries a flashlight.
So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.
So dumb, he faxes face up.
So dumb, he puts postage stamps on outgoing faxes.
So dumb, his dog teaches him tricks.
So far gone, hard drugs push him closer to normal.
So slow, he has to speed up to stop.
So slow, we drive stakes in the ground to measure his progress.
So stupid, he tries to drown fish.
So stupid, mind readers charge her half price.
So stupid, she doesn't go further than Thursday.
So thick, he sticks to pasta.
Solid concrete from the eyebrows backwards.
Some Assembly Required.
Some bugs in his software.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
Some of her inodes have nodded off.
Some pages missing.
Somebody lend her a quarter to buy a clue.
Somebody put a stop payment order on his reality check.
Someone blew out his pilot light.
Someone else is doing the driving for that boy.
Someone forgot to plant the seed for his brain stem.
Someone let the air out of her lock.
Someone Reverend Spooner would have identified as a shining wit.
Sort of like an inverse Einstein.
Source code is missing a few lines.
Speaks math/FORTRAN better than English.
Special education graduate.
Spent a decade on the leading edge of drug experimentation.
Stares at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".
Still boots to DOS.
Still cutting with rounded scissors
Still sending messages with his secret decoder ring.
Still struggling up the evolutionary ladder.
Still traumatized from the forest fire in "Bambi".
Still trying to figure out opposable thumbs.
Strolling through life with one shoelace untied.
Stuck on the down escalator of life.
Studied for a blood test - and failed.
Stumped by anything child-proof.
Subtle as a well-thrown brick.
Subtle as a wet tongue in the ear/kiss from a cow.
Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.
Suffers from excessive headspace.
Suffers from link rot. (The process by which hypertext links become obsolete as their sites change or die)
Suffers from Paralysis by Analysis.
Suffers from permanent rapture of the deep. (Nitrogen narcosis.)
Supports nativist theories that man is formed from clay.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Suspend switch is jumpered.
Switch is on, but no one's receiving.
T minus dumb and counting
Takes her 1.5 hours to watch "60 Minutes".
Takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
Takes his imagination out for a walk and ends up being dragged around the block by it.
Talking with her is a career-limiting move.
Talking with him is a waste of good bandwidth.
Talks to plants on their own level.
Tall as a post and just as smart.
Team player. No chance he'll develop a personality on his own.
Technically sound, but socially impossible.
Teflon brain - nothing sticks.
Ten to the dozen.
The aliens forget to remove his anal probe.
The bark on her family tree actually involves canines.
The butter slipped off his noodle/pancake.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
The definitive answer is: Her glass is half empty.
The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed.
The fan is working but the freon's leaked out.
The fire is going well, but the flue is closed.
The going got weird, and he turned pro.
The heater's plugged in but the rheostat's shot.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
The march of his intellect is like that of a crab, backward.
The only place she's ever invited is outside.
The perfect personality to write software manuals.
The recesses of his mind are always in recess.
The result of years of careful inbreeding.
The sharpest thing he's allowed to play with is a red rubber ball.
The space between his ears powers vacuum pumps.
The spit valve's fallen off his trumpet again.
The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears.
The two put together have an IQ over 150.
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's/gerbil's dead.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
The world's foremost collector of ignorance.
Their family tree is a tumbleweed.
There are great people in the world, but she's not one of them.
There she sits, Finite State Automation at its best.
There's biscuits on the griddle but the stove ain't on.
There's intelligent life on his planet, but he isn't it.
There's no ice cubes in THAT tray.
There's nothing wrong with you that couldn't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
They had to burn down the school to get her out of third grade.
They must have done a clean boot on him.
They never shut up on his planet.
Thick as a brick/whale omelette.
Thick as pig dung and twice as smelly.
Thicker than a hockey sock full of hammer handles.
Thinks "Private Enterprise" means owning a personal starship.
Thinks a permutation is a medical procedure.
Thinks at 5 baud.
Thinks cellular phones are carbon-based life forms.
Thinks Cheerios are doughnut seeds.
Thinks E=MC^2 is a rap star.
Thinks everyone else is entitled to his opinion, like it or not.
thinks in lower case & types accordingly
Thinks in one-syllable words.
Thinks like a boar hog looks at a wristwatch.
Thinks male zebras are the ones with the black stripes.
Thinks Moby Dick is a kind of venereal disease.